As humans we are self centered.
Some more than others, but because of the reality of original sin, and Adam and Eve's rebellion against God, we all have a tendency to seek the best for ourselves and be the center of our own little universes.
We look for ourselves when we are in a group photo, and we even sub-consciously give ourselves the benefit of the doubt in life way more than others. We try to conquer it, but it is still there.
As Paul wrote to the church in Rome in Romans 7:14-15
"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do."
Submission to God is foreign to our corrupted human nature, and we kick against being told what to do. (Ask any parent of a small child or even of an older child.) And we are not born naturally good. Please let us dispose of that particularly hard to get rid of lie.
We are rebellious and we like to be in control....even of our prayer times with God. We have an agenda, which we are sticking to, and how dare someone suggest that I should be quiet for five minutes when I have so many important things to say to God.
Hmmmm.....
Self deception is a truly interesting phenomena, mainly because we normally don't realize that we are deceived, for we are far too clever for that!
In retrospect not so much, but at the time we cannot fathom how we could not have a completely perfect view and understanding of all reality, which includes our own precise perception of God.
This is bad news for us all, because God is so much more than we can ever understand, and self deception causes us to live in states of limitation where we decide what God can or cannot do.
Of course I am not talking about our mental theological understanding of who God is and what He can do. We would oftentimes get very high human grades for what we know and affirm as Christians. I'm talking about what we believe in the secret places of our mind, heart and soul that we don't share with others.
We are often scared, and live out of a place of fear.
What will happen if I wait on God, and He doesn't say anything to me?
Does that mean I'm not as important to Him as those other people who seem to be able to hear Him?
Even the possibility of it being true would be enough to crush me.
What happens if He says something to me that hurts my brittle pride, or self created worth, or high opinion of myself. I have heard from other testimonies that God can speak quite plainly and surgically, getting straight to the heart of the matter, breaking through well rehearsed defense mechanisms.
I don't think I could cope with that.
I'm scared, and I would rather keep praying myself, and not allow the vulnerability of silence to impinge on my life. I keep myself busy so I don't have to be quiet at all other times.
This very concept of being still before God for five minutes is really a bridge too far.
So I find myself saying to God, not with words but with my very clear actions....
Don't talk to me, I'm praying.
